Vaike Õiglane

I HAVE A LIFE!!!

OK, what’s next? Everything that can possibly go wrong, has done so. I really can’t even manage to imagine any more, what else can go wrong, but knowing Murphy … fate seems to be up to something for sure.

You don’t know how much mental strength I have to summon every time to call you. It isn’t as easy as it seems. Please don’t make it harder than it is to me.

How many times do I have to remind myself – stop obsessing, solutions will find their way to you by themselves? How many times do I have to remind myself – there is a reason why relationships broke apart?

I keep paying for that one mistake in my life. I wish it would end. Just end! No more of the things popping up from it. Sometimes I find myself on a thought that I am too nice, too soft, too forgiving, too indulgent … I keep believing that people are good and considerate … I should know better by now.

It is that time of the year when taking the evening ferry means sunset on sea. I couldn’t live without sea. I don’t think it could be possible to exist without a possibility to go to the sea when you need it. Small and fast shuttle ferries are bit too jumpy at sea. There is no wind today, but still I feel like becoming seasick.

This whole week has been one black stripe (borrowing Epp’s illustration). Following white stripe better be really wide and really white. I know it is just my imagination playing tricks on me, but it seems to be that as soon as I spend some time in Estonia, everything seems to go wrong at once. Bad vibes.

Somehow I have totally calmed down by now. It only took 40 minutes on sea and I don’t see everything in black colours any more. I thought and found some solutions to risen problems and above all – whatever waits for me in Finland can’t be as bad as surprises in Estonia.

I had already forgotten the feeling to have my morning coffee in bed.

I finally got my act together and found a place and time to do the D-license. Confirmed by commander of tutoring last night. Congratulations to me :)

Today, 3 years ago I did my first jump. That was one lifechanging step into unknown.

They are or they don’t. Feelings don’t have to stand to the test of time to become real. If you feel them - they are real enough for that moment. Yeah, things change over time, but that doesn’t mean that they were not real to begin with. You don’t have to question your feelings to prove they exist. There is no wrong and right. If you feel then you feel. That is it. I like the way tuuker put it: think how awful would it be if you didn’t feel. There was wisdom in that whiskey. Some things just take time to settle in.

And then, all of a sudden, someone comes along who is not afraid of expressing thoughts, feelings …

I’m bitterly disappointed in my family. My day turned really bad just a moment ago.

Life does its own corrections sometimes.

I was just about to be as girly as girl can be (read stupid). Typed in a long SMS (what I would have probably regretted sending) and the moment I pushed “send” phone battery died. I must have a guardian angel.