Vaike Õiglane

May 28, 2014

another moment

label: haven — CV @ 5:38 PM

Sunset. Finally the winds tied down so we could go up. Jämi’s curse this spring – strong winds, constantly. Yet, on the other hand I find myself on sunset loads all the time because of that. It had been a long and hot day.

I was there, in a perfect moment. It doesn’t come better than that.

1600m, shorts and T-shirt, sitting alone on the edge of an open airplane door, waiting for the spot.

Those who know, know. Those who don’t – those moments are worth living for.

May 11, 2014

another about Ayra

label: haven — CV @ 9:06 PM

Ayra was sitting on the floor in front of a cat.

“Can I pat you?”
“Can I?”
“Why won’t you tell me?! Speak!”

The cat just sat there emotionlessly, silent. Maybe reading books isn’t such a good thing after all? :P

May 9, 2014

another moment

label: haven — CV @ 10:12 PM

I walked out of the shopping center. It was starting to rain, but I couldn’t impel myself to get into the car. The air was soft, warm and fresh.

Warm!

I lingered there, in the dribbling rain, and reveled in Spring’s warm and soft grasp.

May 6, 2014

another about Ayra

label: haven — CV @ 10:10 PM

Today at the site visit of Ayra’s kindergarden I suddenly realized – it is a huge bubble we live in with her. Our own little world. Secluded, but safe.

She’s starting kindergarden this Fall.

May 4, 2014

another about Ayra

label: haven — CV @ 9:15 PM

We have developed a new problem. At first I was just surprised, but by now I have hard time dealing with it as it really gets on my nerves.

Evening reading.

It doesn’t matter how much I read, it always ends in tantrum. I usually read 20-40 minutes, sometimes even longer. It doesn’t matter. At the end Ayra throws me a tantrum, because in her mind I should read some story (once) more.

Every single day ends in tantrum. Effin fantastic (not)!

May 3, 2014

another morning

label: haven — CV @ 9:58 AM

You think that, when something has been at least 40 years already, then you are safe. It will be around and you can still buy the same stuff year after year and be happy. But oh no, not in this world any more. Grrrhhh!!! If I only knew it that L’Oreal will buy Roger & Gallet and discontinue “my soap”, I would have stocked up, but I didn’t know and now I have to go through a really painful process of trying stuff to find a new thing to use. Yeah, not the discovery to light up my morning.

April 20, 2014

label: haven — CV @ 5:39 PM

I am fine. Ayra’s father is fine. We were not on this load … but we were on previous one.

RIP friends.

April 16, 2014

one of those days

label: haven — CV @ 1:53 PM

So … Today is one of those days … Panic attacks …

I crawled out of my hiding for a day today. Things to do and people to meet. I am afraid that someone may actually ask how am I doing. I am afraid that I break down and truly answer. I am afraid that I will not be able to keep up appearences. Not after this morning’s meltdown.

It is annoying how tiny little things throw you off course like that. A reflection in a mirror makes you crumble under the apprehension of how little control you have over anything in your life. Suddenly all the barriers are down and you a drowning under the thoughts and fears that you have managed to keep out for a while by building up routines in the middle of chaos. You can actually deceive yourself methodically with everyday patterns. Illusion of order. Illusion of control.

April 12, 2014

another realization

label: haven — CV @ 8:15 PM

Skydiving makes me happy.

April 10, 2014

paperwork

label: haven — CV @ 11:08 PM

My paperwork finally reached me. It only took 8 months, after I signed my application, till the USPA AFF rating papers reached me. USPA processing time was around 2 weeks only, the other 7,5 months my papers were … I won’t start ranting about it. I’ve had my fair share of meltdowns and irritation bursts. This has been just another annoying thing I have had to deal with during this nightmarish last year.

Anyway … the papers are here! I will drive to DZ this Saturday again (did it last weekend also) to try to open my season (which didn’t happen last weekend due to strong winds) and hopefully I can get my Finnish paperwork rolling too so I am all ready for this season. I actually am excited! Even in my deep dark hole – I am excited and smiling on the prospect of getting in the air again.

Other thing that came through today was an e-mail about my final payslip. I’ll see tomorrow if my bank account sees some money too. I have been annoyed because of it for a week as by law you are supposed to get your final wages on your last working day which for me was already a week ago. I thought I have to fight to get this thing sorted out too. I don’t want to fight. I am too tired, too numb, too … I really hope it goes the way it supposed to go now after this hiccup. I sent an e-mail last Thursday and then Friday about the subject, but those were ignored. Frustrating. At lest now I have some reply. I really hope I also get my paperwork in mail tomorrow or in the beginning of next week and I can finally sigh with a relief.

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