July 21, 2016

things keep breaking

label: still here — CV @ 1:17 PM

When you are financially strained, then things start breaking. This summer has been notorious for it! I do not ever remember so many things breaking in such a short period of time, especially the expensive sort of things. Alternator and windscreen of my car, screen of my iPhone, tooth … I’m not gonna mention my heart and soul. Of course due to different circumstances, none of those were reimbursed by any insurance. The bright side of it is, that I do not posses a lot, so this breaking spree should come to and end soon (or I really hope it has ended already).

July 5, 2016


label: still here — CV @ 3:18 PM

Everything about Him tells me that I have been deleted. There is no trace (except Ayra) of me any more. Like I never existed. He surely has moved on. Who wouldn’t want to delete me? Even I myself want to delete me.

May 26, 2016

just another

label: still here — CV @ 4:30 PM

… and then there are dreams …

I woke up still feeling His hands around me, the warmth, the security. It felt good, until the reality hit me and I was wide awake.

Today I miss him. Today I am once again blinded by His glow.

May 16, 2016

last report DONE

label: still here — CV @ 12:54 AM

I am done with this school year. DONE! My counter shows that I have 105 days 11 h 53 min until the next school year starts. At least for the next 2 weeks I will not think about any school stuff. Nothing, nada. I will sleep and be a good mother.

But then I have to, again, because I have to write the thesis during the summer if I plan to graduate by the end of the year.

May 14, 2016

last report

label: still here — CV @ 9:38 PM

Tomorrow is the deadline for the last report of this school year. It feels so, so hard to write it. Motivation and thoughts are already somewhere else.

May 8, 2016

Mother’s Day 2016

label: still here — CV @ 11:03 PM

I had best Mother’s Day ever. I was genuinely happy today. Ayra is super!

I got my breakfast in bed. A sandwich and a glass of milk (an espresso machine is a bit too hard to use for her I think) and a Riisifrutti. She got up, got dressed and made it all by herself, my “ou-so-big-4-year-old”! The cards and hugs. She crawled up next to me so we both had breakfast in my bed. I have a happy picture to prove it :)

The best

The best surprise waited me when I finally went to kitchen to clean up the supposed catastrophe I imagined there would be. She had put EVERYTHING(!) back into fridge. So I stood there, in the tidy kitchen and made myself a coffee. OK, OK – there was a bit spilled milk to clean up, but I didn’t even notice it at first.

The day continued as perfect as it started. Awesome +22°C weather and a happy kid. We did so many things! From studying nature with the help of Youtube (butterflies and giraffes) to squatting next to anthill. In-between were pine cones, climbing big rocks, walks and ice-creams, swings and happy laughs and oh so many other things.

The best!

May 2, 2016

butterfly 2016

label: still here — CV @ 4:01 PM

So I finally saw a butterfly today. There it was in the middle of my jogging track. A multicoloured summer of 2016 it is. I think I like the forecast. I need something to colour my existence.

April 26, 2016

another morning

label: still here — CV @ 12:56 PM

I had driven for 40 minutes already, when I finally registered – the ground was white. The snow had melted weeks ago already! This morning it was all white again.

April 17, 2016

still an owl

label: still here — CV @ 3:05 PM

My “learning to sleep” project is not going so well. For some reason I keep finding myself up and about at 3AM. I have always been like that – night crawler. I totally understand and acknowledge, that it isn’t an healthy lifestyle, but my corrective actions keep failing.

April 16, 2016

another morning

label: still here — CV @ 6:17 PM

Tallinn, 3AM. 3 hours before sunrise in the darkness. I parked my car and started for home, but I stopped mid-step. The noise was loud.

This is how the night sounded:

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