August 30, 2009

tramp stamp

label: tickled pink — CV @ 1:05 PM

You live and learn. I just found out that the lower back tattoos are called tramp stamps. World of conclusions to make :D

August 29, 2009

another moment

label: tickled pink — CV @ 12:51 PM

Not a good night at all. I struggled to fall a sleep through pain. Did my best to ignore it. You wouldn’t believe how many thoughts come crashing in when you can’t sleep! All those ugly thoughts that I try to ignore and not to think when I can control it. Anger and frustration. Fear and loathing. Him and him and them and her and this and that. Where does it come from? This year has been bad. I know! But has it really been so bad? I finally fell asleep only to wake up few hours later into the pain again. When it finally released its grip on me – I sink into oblivion. I slept better those last 3 hours this morning than those hours during the night. Those were good hours. Without thoughts.

That feeling of relief when pain let go was overwhelming. I don’t think I have pinpointed it like that before. The thankfulness of the liberation and the welcoming of oblivion.

August 27, 2009

porridge

label: tickled pink — CV @ 2:53 PM

I had a problem with morning porridge. I tried to cook it in a many different ways. It never came out right. There was always something wrong with it. I finally gave up. I thought that I am just one of those people who can’t cook porridge and that is that. The oatmeal just sit there in my kitchen cupboard. Week ago I suddenly had a need to cook porridge again. I had oatmeal only for 2 portions left. First try went down the drain and the other … was as bad as the first one. I went to the store and got new material. Hallelujah! Suddenly every time I make porridge – it is good. No problem at all. Next time I won’t give up so easily.

Yet, pilleriin managed to cook totally decent porridge from the first material. It probably has something to do with my cooking skills too.

August 24, 2009

pique

label: tickled pink — CV @ 7:05 PM

I was astonished around week ago by Finns. I have been thinking about it ever since trying to understand. Is it me? Is it them? Mostly my thoughts have been going in circles around one question – is it really so hard to just talk at a right time and place?

Finns don’t seem to be able to be frank. Say things directly to your face and be done with it. They are masters of talking behind one’s back. Seen and heard that too many times. Gossiping like old women. I hate it. It goes against everything I am, but I have to learn to live with it while here. I only wish I would have noticed it before.

When two cultures collide there can be a conflict. None ever told me that there is a conflict so I didn’t even noticed. No wonder they have been so confused about my outright expressions and I have been even more confused about untold things that I sense and feel, but can’t quite put my finger on. That observation could enlighten a lot of situations. Also at work.

Next time I won’t be surprised to hear about things I’ve done wrong months or year ago, but none ever bothered to mention so I could learn.

another quote

label: tickled pink — CV @ 5:50 PM

Prof.:”It’s how people react to boundary conditions that make the difference.”.*

Some of us don’t only see bigger picture clearer, but they also have an ability to put it into a words.

*We were talking about people thinking in stereotypes.

August 23, 2009

time drags

label: tickled pink — CV @ 6:40 PM

For two days there were not enough hours in a day. Now once again time drags on. For weeks …

Waiting. Waiting for that change to have its time to happen. Things actually don’t happen overnight. You have to give things time to happen.

That time drags.

August 21, 2009

ketchup

label: tickled pink — CV @ 10:02 AM

Reading “Minu Itaalia” brought a memory: me scolding at arutu for using ketchup. No I am not italian and I am almost okay with pouring ketchup over spaghetti, but I could never understand why should one kill the taste of every food with ketchup. Without tasting it first. “Pass on some ketchup” was how all the meals started. It always insulted me when I had cooked a meal (and I don’t cook almost at all). At the same time it cured me from any “ketchup habits”. I almost never use it. I have developed such a dislike for ketchup using and users. I look at it as one of the signs of boorishness.

Ou! And mayonnaise is from the same category. Or even worse as I can’t even stand the smell of it.

August 16, 2009

good sleep

label: tickled pink — CV @ 12:31 PM

I woke up today rested. I slept for 12 hours in a row! Last 2 weeks I have had so much trouble falling asleep and then sleeping as I usually find myself opening my eyes at 7 am sharp every morning without any alarm clock and no matter when I finally fell asleep – 2 or 6 hours before.

Weather is stormy. The kind of weather that makes one appreciate having a place to be – warm and cozy. I feel good. There is always something good in everything. Sick leave will give me the opportunity to switch off my phone and not worry. Real rest from work. I need it. It has went from bad to totally crazy. By the end of tomorrows workday I will probably be exhausted. Last day will definitely sap me of every last drop of energy.

I am on a verge of a change. Those are always mad times. At least the directions have become shapes from blur. Now it is only a matter of character to see them through.

August 15, 2009

another spark

label: tickled pink — CV @ 12:03 AM

I had a chance to curse Finns in Estonian :) Thanks guys! Exactly what I needed.

August 13, 2009

silence

label: tickled pink — CV @ 8:54 AM

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts … Thousands of them. About pettiness. About love. About future. About survival. About people. About work ethics. About honor. About … all kind of things. None of them expressed here. I am too dejected to write. wtf is wrong with the world?

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