November 30, 2010

last day of November

label: and some things — CV @ 10:04 PM

November. My dreaded November ends today in two hours.

Done. Gone.

I think I am growing out of bad Novembers. This November wasn’t that bad. I mean, yeah, I was/am in one really dark and deep hole, but nothing extra bad happened. Depression didn’t start from this alarming month. No true blows either. Just dragging myself through this mess I have made and emotional depression. Nothing to do with this November, just general black mist.

I seem to have managed to give out a vibe of being fine. That is good. Only few know how deep it runs and how I am struggling. Babysteps. Thank you for the laughs on the way prof.. Appreciated.

November 29, 2010


label: and some things — CV @ 11:44 PM

So, this morning I was trying to prove that I am not a camel.


For some reason I wasn’t feeling like I am succeeding. Will see in few days. Camel or not?

November 26, 2010

another morning

label: Uncategorized — CV @ 7:47 PM

Woke up and went for coffee in the kitchen. My glance drifted to thermometer. -15C!!! It is still November!

November 19, 2010

another realization

label: and some things — CV @ 11:13 PM

One day I will remember this moment and miss it. A home, a bed, a candle, music and everything else that goes with this hideout …

Places stay in memory.

November 17, 2010


label: Uncategorized — CV @ 11:26 PM


I know I will. It just takes time. I’m working on it.

November 10, 2010

U.S. … sigh

label: and some things — CV @ 9:54 AM

Every night when I finally turn off the lights I suddenly have something to write. I never bother to turn up the lights again and take my laptop (that would be disturbing sign). By the morning they are long gone and never make it here. I can’t even remember usually.

Another post about nothing. Actually I wanted to note that I was yesterday going through the U.S. Visa application bureaucracy. Whoa! When you go through the checklist it seriously makes you wonder about some things. USA acts like a bully. Would they actually believe that anyone would tick the box “yes, I am going to USA to be a prostitute”. That is plain stupid. All those papers upon papers upon papers. I don’t want to live there! I just want to go and skydive.

Yeah. I am applying for U.S. Visa once again. You can’t be denied if you don’t ask. For some reason most of the skydiving records are organized there. I wish they weren’t or I wish that USA would be another normal country in the world.

November 6, 2010

another memory

label: and some things — CV @ 12:16 AM

I just remember the one and only time in my life when I truly cried with all my heart and soul.

Boston airport. At those glass doors. 10 years ago.

Earnest tears. It wasn’t from pain, emotional or physical. It was a clear understanding that there is no going back from this, no solution, no plan. Simply letting go. There was no remorse. It just was … Pure tears without any control. No sobbing, no tantrum. The moment when sand is running through your fingers and you do nothing to hold it there. Just because …

November 4, 2010

another realization

label: and some things — CV @ 10:49 PM

Sometimes you just have to love All the things your mother didn’t teach you. There are lot of things my mother failed to teach me …

another realization

label: and some things — CV @ 3:42 PM

Last night’s storm took the last leaves with it. Autumn’s darkest time has begun.

Welcome to November.

November 3, 2010

another dialogue

label: and some things — CV @ 10:37 PM

10 PM. MSN.
CV:”I am writing the document now and we have a deadline today so I need your signature tonight. I hope you are not planning to go to bed early.”
Minx:”I’m at the office, planning to write one offer (which takes me an hour or so) and then home.”
CV:”Ok, good.”
After few minutes.
Minx:”You can see right away that we are related. Every other person would have yelled at me that what the hell I am still doing at the office, but not you.”

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