March 31, 2011

another morning

label: haven — CV @ 10:30 AM

I don’t want to be me today. So the fight is near its end and the decision will be out today. I don’t even want to read it! I feel sick every time I think about it. I know it can’t be positive (miracles don’t happen!) and the prospect of writing to “next” instance doesn’t attract me at all. I already know how outraged I will feel reading all of it black on white. Stupidity and injustice. Demagogy and excuses. States never admit doing anything wrong.

My morning is ruined by that axe hanging there.

UPDATE: Here we go again! Back to square one.

March 30, 2011

another morning

label: haven — CV @ 1:27 PM

Where the hell this fever came from? It is such a beautiful sunny day outside. Spring! But I am in my bed crawled up inside a blanket. Niuts!

March 29, 2011

back to work

label: haven — CV @ 9:57 PM

So it is back to work for me next Monday. Morning commutes and daily tasks. Things to figure out and stress about. Signed the contract today.

Again I don’t have a job description or office hours or any of that normal stuff. Ou! I don’t even have an office yet. Hopefully will get the address for Tampere via SMS by the end of the week (if they sign the lease for some place). I think I’ll show up 9AM Monday morning and take it from there.

There is something totally, totally new with this job. I have a signed contract on paper before I start the work! Whoa! It has never happened before and so I take an another step towards normality.

March 28, 2011

progressive income tax

label: haven — CV @ 10:55 AM

There has been a lot of talk about it lately. Elections in Estonia and as always this question rises. I’ve also heard the question “Why are you so passionately against it?” for many times.

Why am I so passionately against it? And I really mean passionately.

I have been living in Finland for past 3 years and they have the progressive income tax. They also have the social responsibility idea pretty much maximized. I hate it. Unemployment has showed me the many facets of this responsibility only to prove my point. Also, in the back of my mind I still remember USSR. Haven’t the world learned that socialism doesn’t work? There were millions part of this experiment for 50 years only to fail. Yeah, there may have not been poverty on the paper, but only because everybody were equally poor. Naive.

So, this welfare state I am living in … Being unemployed should mean that finally one will be able to get their share from the system they help to maintain while working. Nope! This is not the case. My job ended 31.01.2011. I finally qualified for unemployment benefits starting from 05.03.2011. Was my paperwork wrong? No. Did I give some application in late? No. Was the delay cause by me? No. This is the earliest that was possible. The whole system is built on an encouragement to be unemployed as long as possible because that is the only way you can actually benefit from in. All the other routes of actions are disadvantageous to you. I have not found any motivators that would suggest that the sooner you find the job the better. Right now I am only touching the surface with this writing.

Then there is the progressive income tax. Looking for work is hell! How do you know what is your salary wish if you don’t know how much you need. 100€ change in salary can mean 0,5%-1% change in how much the state will take away from you. OK, you can always ask for more for just in case, but to know which offer to accept is a tricky one. Also all this hassle with tax returns and extra tax payments. Seriously? I pay income tax in January 2011 and get the excess back December 2012. This system is way too complicated. Unreasonable.

So, I go back to work next week (I hope) and start paying my bigger or smaller share to the welfare once more knowing that this system doesn’t work. And yes, during the summer I will meet people at DZ once more who have taken the summer off to live on unemployment benefits just because this system encourages it.

… getting paperwork from KELA just called for a ranting session.

March 27, 2011

an MMS

label: haven — CV @ 8:07 AM

Way too often I live in some kind of bubble. Thinking, hoping, guessing that things are in a certain way, but then the reality kicks in. A glimpse of what really is. An MMS.

I think I should go back to sleep and start this day over.

March 23, 2011

label: haven — CV @ 11:02 AM


March 22, 2011


label: haven — CV @ 8:43 PM

Decisions, decisions, decisions…

Huh! Being an adult is hard! How do you know which job to choose? How can you know where you will be happy for 8 hours a day? Here or there? An hour to work versus 10 minutes. Wages differ enormously. Stress and responsibilities versus peaceful dwelling.

A bit over 12 hours left. How will I choose?

March 21, 2011


label: haven — CV @ 5:23 PM

If I hear someone say one more time that I am overqualified – I will bite. Like seriously! How can that be a problem while looking for work? This world seems upside down for me from time to time.

March 19, 2011

another moment

label: haven — CV @ 11:26 PM

Sitting in my sauna on Saturday night. Covered in salt & honey I am looking out of the window seeing snow covered fir trees. This is my life. Right here, right now.


March 17, 2011

hugs and eye candy

label: haven — CV @ 2:08 AM

A day in Tallinn almost always feels like a week of tasks and errands run in a day. Huhh! What a day! Again. Yet … I got a lot done. Tax office, bank etc. I wish I had had more time to see my friends, but hey! you can’t have all. There were some good phone calls giving me hope (about finding a job), some nice hugs and eye candy for a smile. What a day!

Last time I saw K, I was falling apart and fell into tears in the middle of the conversation just because he dared to ask some questions about my life. Today he was happy to note that I am back to resemble myself again. First time in years. Yesh! Even others notice what I feel. Calmer, happier, lighter, optimistic.

It is good to be back home. Even if it means that driving home isn’t 15 minutes any more, but an hour longer. I love this place. It really feels home somehow.

PS. Ou! And I got my hair brushed. Once in every 6 months Jan sets my hair and brushes it totally straight. It is so funny to be startled by your own image in a mirror for a day.

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