June 20, 2012

another spark

label: lemons — CV @ 6:07 PM

How much inedible stuff there is in baby’s stomach?

another about Ayra

label: lemons — CV @ 6:02 PM

Solids. Adventure after adventure.

I also realized, after 2 failed attempts, that there is no point of even trying to make Ayra’s purees and stuff. I am a catastrophe in the kitchen and she should not suffer for it. Now she gets her food from a jar. … and as soon as I decided that, Moonika stepped in and now Ayra has some home cooked meals to eat. Life has a way to sort itself out.

Otherwise I am busy with a busy girl. Those who know – know. At this age it is hard to keep up with all the new things she learns on daily bases.

June 18, 2012

another dialogue

label: lemons — CV @ 4:50 PM

CV: What do you have against Estonian president?
She: I dislike him, he is a Yankee.
CV: You should get your facts straight. He has nothing to do with Yankees.
She: I don’t care. He lived in USA.

Sad. Just sad. Estonia has a wonderful president right now, but silly narrow-minded people only see that he was not born in Estonia. Even sadder is that those prejudiced people can’t even comprehend how pathetic they are. I loathe prejudice.

June 11, 2012

defeat/victory

label: lemons — CV @ 11:33 PM

The verdict is in, the court has spoken – I am worthless.

I won all the small battles. I won the essential war, but I didn’t gain anything from it and so it is actually a loss. Sounds incoherent, I know. My feelings are as unclear as it sounds.

It takes 5 years in Estonia to get first grounded verdict. County court, court of appeal, Supreme Court, county court again and court of appeal for second time. OK, Supreme Court’s, where I won the dispute in principle, ruling was also reasonable and grounded, but it took almost 4 years to get there. This country is sick. There is essentially something wrong with this world, but if you think about it – haven’t there always been something wrong with the world?

I don’t know if I take it Supreme Court one more time. I doubt they will grant me the leave to appeal for a second time. There seems to be ground for an appeal to try it, but I am so tired of it all. It has been a fight out of stubbornness and principle anyway – someone’s gotta do it, but I think that I am done. It wouldn’t give anything to Estonian case law any more anyway – they already adopted the new law (sometimes I wonder if it was partly because I was stepping on some toes).

Taking the difficult choice, accomplishing nothing. Yes, I feel like a total looser.

So if you ask why I don’t live in Estonia … No it isn’t better elsewhere, but at least anywhere else those, who make the rules, force them and make the mistakes, are strangers. It is easier to close my eyes and not to care. Also, I don’t know my rights that well in other places, so I won’t notice when they are violated.

June 10, 2012

another moment

label: lemons — CV @ 7:13 PM

Right here. Right now.

A beer after a long day at the DZ and some jumping.

The best feeling there is (after freefall of course).

June 7, 2012

another spark

label: lemons — CV @ 9:03 PM

I was at the seminar today. 11 Estonian women learning …

During the lunch break we were eating: 6 at one table (where I was) and 5 with the lector at another. Both table were totally silent through all the meal. I mean total silence.

Hehee :D You can imagine it happing only in Estonia.

June 6, 2012

another moment

label: lemons — CV @ 9:23 PM

A moment of shame.

I was on a meeting today. Future plans etc … my life and my work and … That was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my career – what is your life situation in 3 months and is it possible to make plans with you or not and if yes, then what plans? I had nothing to say. I am wanted, valued … and I am answerless. Try planning anything with a person like that! F.

June 5, 2012

angry and stuck

label: lemons — CV @ 10:54 PM

I am angry and I am stuck.

The only thing I want to do at the moment is – pack my car and hit the road. I can’t … It angers me to say it out loud – I can’t! Later, not now, later. Damn. My wants and needs and possibilities and obligations and … everything is in a tight knot. I can’t make a reasonable plan out of the cards I have been dealt for now. Brrrrrhhh. Stuck in Estonia, Tallinn, Mustamäe. That was not the plan! I have to yield to life for now. Men and mice and god all over again.

When did it happen? Wing clipping I mean. I used to be so much freer. No, it has nothing to do with Ayra – she is not holding me back, not at all! There are those invisible strings that my special somebody holds … so then was when it happened! He clipped my wings few years ago. I have to say that I dislike it, but seems like I am powerless against those strings. Yield, for now. Will see about future when it is revealed.

another realization

label: lemons — CV @ 11:48 AM

I just realized today … I don’t need a testament any more. I don’t need to figure out who should inherit my stuff. Haa! One worry less.

June 2, 2012

another about Ayra

label: lemons — CV @ 1:24 PM

Lazy! This girl of mine is lazy as hell. Latest development: I put her on her belly, 5-10 seconds later she is on her back again.

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