November 14, 2015

just another

label: still here — CV @ 10:49 PM

Days without Ayra are the worst. All light goes out.

November 11, 2015

label: still here — CV @ 10:51 AM

My mind is racing day after day trying to figure out the survival strategy. It is not going well and some panic has emerged. Cornered in a swamp and I am drowning – that is how I feel. The requirements are as far from possibilities that my life feels like mission impossible. I don’t mind compromising, but I can’t even see what to compromise. Scary …

November 8, 2015

for the record

label: still here — CV @ 11:16 PM

Tonight is the first night that Ayra is here. I was so afraid, still am, because this place is a mess and I do not have many necessary things, but she is a trooper. At least for now she takes it as an adventure.

How the hell did I get here?

November 6, 2015

another reminder

label: still here — CV @ 10:45 AM

Life is unfair. Let it go.

November 2, 2015

another about Ayra

label: still here — CV @ 5:32 PM

It was bound to happen one day …

We were in a hurry to get out of the door to be on time for Ayra’s Monday activity. I kept hurrying Ayra to go and did not pay close attention to what she was saying. Especially after she ignored me forbidding her to go back in and grab a toy, what ended with a full coffee mug in the middle of the hall floor. Life with kids and usual stuff.

At one point I told her to get out of the door. She kept telling me that she doesn’t have her gloves yet (or at least this is what I heard) and I kept telling her that she doesn’t need them. It was +13C outside and I had just grabbed her gloves and tossed them in the bag. I almost pushed her out of the door.

We had made like 3 meters out of the door towards car when she said loud and clear:

“But Mom! I do not have my SHOES!”

FAIL! There she was, walking in her socks over gravel. In Autumn. FAIL!

Listen to your children. LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN! “Kingad” (shoes in Estonian) are not the same as “kindad” (gloves in Estonian).

November 1, 2015

welcome November

label: still here — CV @ 10:47 PM

Welcome November once again. Avoiding history repeating seems to be impossible. I was trying to move at least earlier, but it still happened in the turn of my favourite month to my least favourite. Like always. The most depressive month of a year to deal with life and soul in pieces.

So here I go again in a new place and single status.

The beginning of November and I am heartbroken. Situation is familiar and yet still always new. This time I really messed it up and I have run out of back-up plans.

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