August 21, 2016

for a reason

label: still here — CV @ 1:40 PM

It was a mistake. My mistake. Yet, I can’t regret it, because everything happens for a reason. Without this collossal mistake Ayra would not exist. She is the miracle of my life.

Two questions have been circling my head lately:

When two people love each other, but they can’t seem to get it together – when do you reach the point that enough is enough? I know the answer should be “Never!”, but I couldn’t fit it into my life as it was in conflict with my knowlegde. Now that I know the truth – it makes sense again. Also my own behaviour makes sense now. I couldn’t walk away, because for me it was “Never!” even beyond the breakup.

Was the high worth the low? This one is harder. I keep alternating between yes and no. Those high moments kept me going like a beacon of light for 7 years. This was my goal, to reach that state of being again. I have understood before – I have the tendency to look at the potential and ignore reality. So, was it worth it? I have to say, that the high was worth the pain. I know it every time I hug Ayra. Everything is worth her.

I’ve been down memory lane this weekend. Right now I am glad for my blog. There have been so many things I have forgotten or blocked out of my memory. Sometimes it is healthy to remember. I also realized that I should write more often, so I would rember (if needed).

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