March 30, 2017

just another

label: still here — CV @ 10:06 PM

Eff double morals! Eff it that I am always outside the rules applied (to others). Feels like someone got their revenge on me. FML. I don’t exist. Limbo ghost stuck in between that no one cares about. Except Shapeshifter. She is as real as can be. Reason to live, to try to survive one more day, and then another.

Another day in fog. I look around and wonder wtf is happening or is it really happening in my life. … but yes, it is my life, my reality, my choices. What is OK for others, is frown upon when I do it. I don’t understand those rules of interaction any more. It is all in my head. My problem. My overreacting. Too sensitive, too emotional, too emphatic. My problem.

I don’t want to believe that I am much harder to be with than anyone else. I just don’t seem to be worth the effort. For some reason I give out this impression of being strong or that it is OK to hurt me, as I can take it. Even thou it is as far from the truth as can be. Why is it OK to treat me like that? I feel like I have paid for all the bad things I have done and more. How bad must my karma be?

The world around me seems to be filled with balanced grown ups. Why can’t I be one?

No impressions (interesting why?)

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