Vaike Õiglane

I was yelling yesterday at Philip. He got me so angry in split-second that I even hung up Skype call. Not nice. Not nice at all. And then … he called back. Twice before I answered and it only took him one sentence to get me smiling.

“I like you!” - that is all what it takes.

Sure. I can think of it as:”Why he had to get me angry at first place?!?”, but I rather not. I try to become a better person even if I don’t succeed always. Yesterday was a good day.

Ignorance is bliss!

I should write it on the wall in capital letters so I wouldn’t forget.

Every morning at 9 AM my computer comes to life. Suddenly everybody are logging in at MSN and Skype and IRC. I never knew that before as I used to be one of those in loggers.

I woke up today, opened my eyes, looked out of the window and smiled. Finally! Birch tree behind my window shyly shows the first signs of green. That green glow you can’t truly tell of seeing or wanting to see.

My life is good. Every morning I wake up and find that I’m thankful for where I am. It makes me smile to live it. I know that soon it will crash and burn somehow again, but right now - it is good.

Carpe diem!

My damn skin has a way to react to everything. I can tell by the condition of my skin how high is my temperature and when the temperature will go down. I really hate it. And when my skin decides to react to something then there is nothing I can do to minimize the damage. It just doesn’t react. Damn. Now it will take me another week to get it normal again.

It is 4 AM and I’m going to sleep. Birds are getting earlier and earlier lately. They are singing so loud that it will probably be hard to fall asleep.

I’m pondering - should I or should I not go skydiving tomorrow. I feel ok. Fever has been down for 1,5 days already. It is such a spring outside! I have been inside for almost the whole week and I want out. To go or not to go is the question. If I’m not well enough yet then going to skydiving means .. hmmm … trouble, but at the same time - I want to skydive. I think I have to sleep on it.

I have had a lot of thoughts again lately. Too much movie watching can result in lot of unfinished drafts. Will I ever think my thoughts in drafts into posts? Usually I just delete all my drafts after a while.

LATER: After getting through all the weather forecasts - I don’t think I’m going anywhere. Don’t feel like driving 150 km with that forecast (or maybe I’m finally listening to that inner voice that tells me - I’m not well enough yet).

I found out that I only have dark blue sheets. I have to go shopping.

“The Air I Breathe” - absolutely compelling.

… is OK. You* only have to accept it and embrace it.

* By “you” I mean all the “not different” this time.

There is a reason why I love and need sci-fi and fantacy. Hideaway from real life. You can tell me as much as you want that this injustice will not go anywhere if you don’t pay attention to it, but … there is a but … life would be too much to bear if you would pay too much attention to it or you will became numb to injustice. I know this is weird to hear, but if something gets to the level of being enough and it stays there too long - you become numb. You can become numb to anything - even to the things you never imagined someone can be numb to. It can happen over a really short period of time. Unimaginable can happen.

A movie. “Rendition”. It felt like too much to take on. It takes so little. Wrong moment, wrong turn and you end up in-between the wheels of the system. There is nothing you can do. It can happen to anyone. Literally anyone. To all of those, who think that it can never happen to them or it only happens in movies. Maybe you get lucky and there is a screw in the system to do the right thing for you or you may not be so lucky. In the end I got lucky. I got out. Yet the price paid will always be to high. To everyone.