Vaike Õiglane

“If I see you once in every 2 months then it means that every moment wasted or lost or stolen by others is the end of the world for me.”

You can call me sensitive as much as you want now.

I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things you say
It doesn’t take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things
that are unseen
So please be careful with me,
I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way.
You always tell me that is impossible
To be respected and be a girl
Why’s it gotta be so complicated?
Why you gotta tell me if I’m hated?
So please be careful with me,
I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way.
I was thinking that it might do
some good
If we robbed the cynics and took
all their food
That way what they believe
will have taken place
And we can give it to people
who have some faith
So please be careful with me,
I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way.
I have this theory that if we’re told
we’re bad
Then that’s the only idea we’ll ever have
But maybe if we are
surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
‘Cause anyone can start a conflict
it’s harder yet to disregard it
I’d rather see the world from
another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me ’cause I’d like to stay that way.

Is it worth it? Is it?

I can’t run away from my demons. I can’t.

It took me 2,5 days to get Joey Jones to the state that he declared:”I’m happy to coach the rest of the team, but I refuse to coach Vaike.”. Yeah. That is it. I am hopeless, useless looser. At least this is what I feel right now. I can’t exit the airplane, I can’t fly my body and I can’t land.

I had a bad day today.

I miss sunset loads. Sitting out here at this still silence of the evening when everything around looks too beautiful - I miss getting myself ready and going for that last sunset load of the day. I can’t even remember when was the last time I made a sunset load. Those are the loads I like to go alone. Just enjoy the beauty of the world and the fact that I can skydive. I miss it. I really do.

Otherwise - Joey is driving me crazy as always. We have our small points of disagreement. I know he is right about many things, but I can’t just do something because someone tells me to - I want to understand it. Girls are good and flying is going well. We do it maybe a bit slower, but we do it really clean and neat. I like that kind of teamwork. Doing it without rushing gives me better chance to learn.

I set my personal goals for this BC. One of them was getting over my fear of standing on the door and giving the exit count and the other was learning to flash the keys. I have to say that both of them are almost reached. Maybe I should get myself some new goals for the next week.

I miss Jean. Again. It feels like something from Basic Camp is missing if I don’t talk to him every day any more. At the same time - it just a habit and I will phone him up again when I really miss him sincerely. Even if that drives Philip way beyond normal jealousy.

Everything is good. Flying is good. Life is good. I hope the same from tomorrow. We had such a well working 4-way team today. Changes again tomorrow. Have to cope with them.

It is hard to get up in the mornings when someone’s hands are holding you. I wish I had it every day. I wish he was around every day … There are moments when it tears my soul apart.

I feel like I have been beaten up! My overall physical shape has to be pretty bad for some reason. I feel really tired after those 8 jumps today. At the same time my sporty teammate said the same thing - she is really tired. I truly hope that the reason of my fatigue is not my bad shape but the intensiveness of today’s work.

I’m jumping with a swedish girl named Annika and Mattias Nord is our coach. We are supposed to be a 4-way, but one girl is coming in late so we had 8 jumps with only 3 of us. Good jumps. Really good! I finally have a chance to fly. Really fly and not only fight for balance. Today I realized that I actually hated jumping as a Rink’s piecepartner. Frustration took too much energy. Mostly I was gaining my balance and that left too little room for flying. It even felt weird for a moment today that noone was pushing and pulling me in the sky. I’m following my mental note - keep away from Rink - and it seems to be working pretty nice.

I also had 8 landings today on my feet. Seems like me and the Spectre are starting to finally get along. Feeling is growing.

I did a sitfly today!!! And my new suit is pretty! But lets start from the beginning.

Philip was the postman and got my freefly suit to me. I was afraid that maybe it will not fit, but it is totally perfect. It fits me nicely and it makes me pretty. Blue, black and white with butterflies. I have to make Philip photograph me even if it is too late already as I did my “green landing”.

So. I was freeflying today. Philip demanded to fly with me even if I am not at any level at all yet on sitfly. Train exit was ground and sky, ground and sky - rock’n'roll on its best. After we let go I got some nice sit attempts. Good jump in general, but the next jump was the hit of the day. After landing I ran over to Philip and asked that was it really me flying or what. I can’t believe that. I still can’t. Exit was a bit dodgy, but after that I was siting until break-off. Unbelievable!

So. I got my first sitfly jump today. It still brings smile to my face.

PS. Ou! And I saw other person sitflying. How cool is that?

Every time I pull an allnighter, the world seems odd. Hours count for days … 2 allnighters in 2 weeks …

I almost had an accident yesterday. Not my mistake. It woke me up instantly. I admit, my reflexes are good. Better than I expected. Even without sleep. The other driver got lucky because of my reflexes - his were a bit too late.

All I can think of is not sleep but Philip instead. Philip, Philip, Philip - less than 24 hours to count down.

She was stunningly beautiful yesterday. I felt sincerely happy at the event (that is not common at all for this kind of event). All my best. Truly.

Driving through Kadriorg at sunset brought me to realization - there is nothing more beautiful than life in itself. I smile to every sunrise and -set. Just because I can.

*BC08 - Basic Camp 2008

I have a working GPS again!

You don’t want to know what happened to it meanwhile.

Let the good spirits watch over me. Some matters are on the measuring scales today and all I can do is to hope that things, that personally feel fair for me, will triumph.

I can delude myself and say that the matter has lost its importance, but the truth is - against all odds I still hope for victory. It is not only about money. No amount of money can set things ever right again. It is about … teaching a lesson and making the path for them, who suffer the same, a bit easier to walk.