May 2, 2008

perfect moment

label: learning — CV @ 5:24 PM

If you keep hunting for that perfect moment then you probably will never find it. There are perfect moments only in the movies. Moment is never perfect by itself. The feelings make it perfect.

May 1, 2008

love is in the air

label: learning — CV @ 8:40 AM

Now it is done. I dreaded it and I longed for it. I didn’t want it to happen when we are half way across the world from each other, but men have the urge to do everything as soon as it occurs and they don’t care about the “right moment” concept (what seems to be so important to women). It doesn’t diminish the significance of the words. Not at all!

I don’t think I ever heard anyone telling me “I love you” for the first time at 6:30 AM. Sweet :) There are still some first times in my life. Everything is not experienced yet.

In those last few weeks I have finally realized that I’m content with my relationship. I found and made my peace with it. Always it takes me a lot of time to stop rebelling. Always many months before I start to appreciate the fact. Usually noone gives me that amount of time. Usually I am pressured to answer feelings and expectations. I like it slow. I like when I have time to settle my thoughts, think everything through … to be and to have the clearness that only comes with some amount of time.

I’ve been smiling lately a lot because of Philip. It doesn’t weird me out any more to say it out loud that I have a boyfriend and a relationship. I don’t wonder any more about “is that all what life has to offer?” or “can I be in peace with his shortcomings in some things?”. I got over that thin line where desire to escape is on one side and the confidence to see it through is on the other. I’m on the confidence side. I got over my fear of wasting my time too. From where that concept even crept into my mind? Wasting my time constantly waiting? I am not the same person who I was so many years back when I was living only for waiting. Stupid fear! I used to think that life can only happen when certain conditions are met. I thought that having a relationship and having a life had the same meaning. I think I am wiser now. Not living with someone every single day doesn’t mean I miss out on something. If I think of it then (to be honest) I have to state out the obvious – my unaccompanied dwelling suits me better than anything else.

Love is overrated? It probably is. Somehow that Hollywood influenced culture of ours has put love to the pedestal and worships it. It is not such a big deal. Love happens. Sometimes it will not survive our times of speed dating/relationships. That doesn’t mean it isn’t real. That “real” love and “true feelings” are not reserved only to teenagers. People shouldn’t be afraid to express love to each other. So what if it doesn’t last “till death do us part”? The latter doest define the present.

It is spring. Lets allow ourselves to fall in love. It is marvelous.

April 29, 2008

I like you!

label: learning — CV @ 12:28 PM

I was yelling yesterday at Philip. He got me so angry in split-second that I even hung up Skype call. Not nice. Not nice at all. And then … he called back. Twice before I answered and it only took him one sentence to get me smiling.

“I like you!” – that is all what it takes.

Sure. I can think of it as:”Why he had to get me angry at first place?!?”, but I rather not. I try to become a better person even if I don’t succeed always. Yesterday was a good day.

it is

label: learning — CV @ 10:43 AM

Ignorance is bliss!

I should write it on the wall in capital letters so I wouldn’t forget.

at 9 AM

label: learning — CV @ 8:07 AM

Every morning at 9 AM my computer comes to life. Suddenly everybody are logging in at MSN and Skype and IRC. I never knew that before as I used to be one of those in loggers.

another morning

label: learning — CV @ 7:29 AM

I woke up today, opened my eyes, looked out of the window and smiled. Finally! Birch tree behind my window shyly shows the first signs of green. That green glow you can’t truly tell of seeing or wanting to see.

April 27, 2008

good

label: learning — CV @ 12:25 PM

My life is good. Every morning I wake up and find that I’m thankful for where I am. It makes me smile to live it. I know that soon it will crash and burn somehow again, but right now – it is good.

Carpe diem!

another realization

label: learning — CV @ 10:58 AM

My damn skin has a way to react to everything. I can tell by the condition of my skin how high is my temperature and when the temperature will go down. I really hate it. And when my skin decides to react to something then there is nothing I can do to minimize the damage. It just doesn’t react. Damn. Now it will take me another week to get it normal again.

another morning

label: learning — CV @ 3:17 AM

It is 4 AM and I’m going to sleep. Birds are getting earlier and earlier lately. They are singing so loud that it will probably be hard to fall asleep.

I’m pondering – should I or should I not go skydiving tomorrow. I feel ok. Fever has been down for 1,5 days already. It is such a spring outside! I have been inside for almost the whole week and I want out. To go or not to go is the question. If I’m not well enough yet then going to skydiving means .. hmmm … trouble, but at the same time – I want to skydive. I think I have to sleep on it.

I have had a lot of thoughts again lately. Too much movie watching can result in lot of unfinished drafts. Will I ever think my thoughts in drafts into posts? Usually I just delete all my drafts after a while.

LATER: After getting through all the weather forecasts – I don’t think I’m going anywhere. Don’t feel like driving 150 km with that forecast (or maybe I’m finally listening to that inner voice that tells me – I’m not well enough yet).

April 25, 2008

blue sheets and good movies

label: learning — CV @ 2:42 PM

I found out that I only have dark blue sheets. I have to go shopping.

“The Air I Breathe” – absolutely compelling.

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