July 13, 2012

another realization

label: lemons — CV @ 12:32 AM

I am constantly out of my comfort zone and that is a blessing in so many ways.

If I really think about it, then it is a good thing that my life is such a mess. I am constantly pushed to extend my world. OK, to be honest, I push myself and no one pushes me, but mostly it is that messy life of mine that gives that last nudge. Go, try, be, wander, discover – you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! If my life was easy, I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t step out of my comfort zone so easily. Especially with Ayra. It would be hard to.

July 12, 2012

back and away again

label: lemons — CV @ 11:39 PM

Back from tour: Tallinn->Stockholm->Mainz->Wien->Budapest->Tallinn. Awesome!

Tomorrow Pärnu and Parasummer 2012 for 8 days. Then Finland and Pori Jazz. I have no idea when I have time to write and that is awesome!

I am in vacation mood. I forgot what day it is :)

July 1, 2012


label: lemons — CV @ 11:09 AM

Ticket – check.
Preliminary itinerary – check.
Packing – started (4 hours to accomplish … khmmm).
Mood – excited.

I figured out my trip till Mainz, Germany. I will deal with the other half there. I’ll be fine.

Europe – here I come! Finally I hit the road.

June 20, 2012

another spark

label: lemons — CV @ 6:07 PM

How much inedible stuff there is in baby’s stomach?

another about Ayra

label: lemons — CV @ 6:02 PM

Solids. Adventure after adventure.

I also realized, after 2 failed attempts, that there is no point of even trying to make Ayra’s purees and stuff. I am a catastrophe in the kitchen and she should not suffer for it. Now she gets her food from a jar. … and as soon as I decided that, Moonika stepped in and now Ayra has some home cooked meals to eat. Life has a way to sort itself out.

Otherwise I am busy with a busy girl. Those who know – know. At this age it is hard to keep up with all the new things she learns on daily bases.

June 18, 2012

another dialogue

label: lemons — CV @ 4:50 PM

CV: What do you have against Estonian president?
She: I dislike him, he is a Yankee.
CV: You should get your facts straight. He has nothing to do with Yankees.
She: I don’t care. He lived in USA.

Sad. Just sad. Estonia has a wonderful president right now, but silly narrow-minded people only see that he was not born in Estonia. Even sadder is that those prejudiced people can’t even comprehend how pathetic they are. I loathe prejudice.

June 11, 2012


label: lemons — CV @ 11:33 PM

The verdict is in, the court has spoken – I am worthless.

I won all the small battles. I won the essential war, but I didn’t gain anything from it and so it is actually a loss. Sounds incoherent, I know. My feelings are as unclear as it sounds.

It takes 5 years in Estonia to get first grounded verdict. County court, court of appeal, Supreme Court, county court again and court of appeal for second time. OK, Supreme Court’s, where I won the dispute in principle, ruling was also reasonable and grounded, but it took almost 4 years to get there. This country is sick. There is essentially something wrong with this world, but if you think about it – haven’t there always been something wrong with the world?

I don’t know if I take it Supreme Court one more time. I doubt they will grant me the leave to appeal for a second time. There seems to be ground for an appeal to try it, but I am so tired of it all. It has been a fight out of stubbornness and principle anyway – someone’s gotta do it, but I think that I am done. It wouldn’t give anything to Estonian case law any more anyway – they already adopted the new law (sometimes I wonder if it was partly because I was stepping on some toes).

Taking the difficult choice, accomplishing nothing. Yes, I feel like a total looser.

So if you ask why I don’t live in Estonia … No it isn’t better elsewhere, but at least anywhere else those, who make the rules, force them and make the mistakes, are strangers. It is easier to close my eyes and not to care. Also, I don’t know my rights that well in other places, so I won’t notice when they are violated.

June 10, 2012

another moment

label: lemons — CV @ 7:13 PM

Right here. Right now.

A beer after a long day at the DZ and some jumping.

The best feeling there is (after freefall of course).

June 7, 2012

another spark

label: lemons — CV @ 9:03 PM

I was at the seminar today. 11 Estonian women learning …

During the lunch break we were eating: 6 at one table (where I was) and 5 with the lector at another. Both table were totally silent through all the meal. I mean total silence.

Hehee :D You can imagine it happing only in Estonia.

June 6, 2012

another moment

label: lemons — CV @ 9:23 PM

A moment of shame.

I was on a meeting today. Future plans etc … my life and my work and … That was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my career – what is your life situation in 3 months and is it possible to make plans with you or not and if yes, then what plans? I had nothing to say. I am wanted, valued … and I am answerless. Try planning anything with a person like that! F.

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